And as I leave you again,

Magrebi Sunset
Magrebi Sunset

yes you nurtured me mother Magreb but you know I don’t want to leave your lap. I feel a saddness in my heart. But I have learnt my lesson well. I can only be. I can only control what is with in me and nothing else.  Learn to let go. Learn to not interfere in that which does not concern me. Everything has been decreed so I should be worry free.

I’m coming home

cd063f97-44ab-4e92-bf78-61c0f1232b42I can feel my heart beat so strong. A crazy mad rush of love overtakes me. I see a decade flash before me eyes. The breeze I feel against my skin calling me to its shores. And still 17 years on my love for this land is standing stronger than the first day I stepped out into the ryad.

Look what I’m bringing back to you i hear my soul whisper “Your sons” I raised them well and now I hope they love you as much as I do.

I can’t get to you soon enough to feel the dust of which I am created. To see and feel you all around me like the maternal embrace of motherhood,  softly healing my wounds as I turn up at your doorstep. I hear your words… it’s okay Sara that was the dunya you’re home now.

30:07:2014 Shalom TelAviv

Arrived safe and well. Was dreading re infamous grilling upon arrival…. Instead I got handed a complimentary chocolate and a bookmark.
3 questions a smile and welcome to Israel.
Ben Gurion is a beautiful airport you wouldn’t think it’s a stone throw away from a place that is being beamed across the world as being demolished to dust.
As you step out the warm air greets you like welcome home let us make you one of us….
We start driving towards the one place so sacred to millions.
Apparently it used to be a direct road from Yaffa all they way here lined with Palestinian villages… Now there are less than a handful and they are not signposted.
All of a sudden we hit traffic jams at 22:30 pm … Has there been an accident? “No perhaps someone hit missiles or rockets” he replies casually.
Oh okay. I respond just as ‘it’s the norm”.
Flags …. Flags everywhere.., why though the World Cup is over I think to myself ….
So tired. Finally when I fall asleep amidst the street noises of cats fighting a cock crowing it feels you could be anywhere in the world.
Then a few hours later you hear it and you hear it loud and clear…
The AdhanAlQuds…. This is Jerusalem AlQuds.

Don’t go mummy

That was his message to me. Broke my heart. Yet I know he will soon run off to his bedroom kitted out with all the latest gear and be happy & safe in his world.
Xavier: one day I will ask you please don’t go and you will say I have to go.
I offered my salah before my cousin arrives for the drive down to London … I can feel it as I stand in front of him… Tears
I try to control it so the boys don’t realise …. I fail.
Quickly trying to disguise my anxiety I ask the eldest “go get the surprise gift for your brother.”
Trying to distract him from the fact I’m about to walk out of the front door.
Hani can’t decide whether to drive down with us to London or not..
I’m sure glad he did… I feel a sense of security and pride with my new home grown ‘Mahram’ and what a fine one he is indeed.